Only Believe
Only Believe
03/20/05
In recent months, the Lord has flooded my mind with sporadic memories of the dawn of my Christian walk, which began in the summer of 1981. As He has done so, He has brought to the surface some things that have challenged me deeply. Through this process, He is enabling me to crawl out from under the rubble of a recent and painful chapter in public ministry.
After praying and meditating upon the idea over several weeks, I am convinced that the Lord has prompted and released me to share this experience abroad.
I have learned over time, that the Holy Spirit is rarely in a hurry. His concept of time is that of timelessness. Although there have been some exceptions, most of the time He will not drive me to “get the word out.” Rather, He will entreat me to meditate on a word for an extended time. And when my heart is right on the matter, and I have been freed from the compulsion to save the world with my personal revelation, He may then say, “O.K., why don’t you share this with some friends now.” It is with this sense of release that I share the following to you.
It was just a few years ago that the Lord told my wife and I very clearly: “I want you to begin ministering out of your failures. I want you to be completely transparent and tell the Body about your gravest failures in serving Me. And as you share of how I have redeemed you in and through each season, you are going to speak life, strength, healing and hope to My Body.”
In keeping with what we feel to be our personal mandate, I wish to share with you a point of personal failure in my ministry. As I do so, it is my prayer that the Holy Spirit will honor what He spoke to me and my wife, and will speak some measure of strength, encouragement, healing and hope to you.
Having grown up in southern California through the 1960’s and ‘70’s, and to ultimately meet the Lord and begin to serve Him in southern California in ’81, I found myself swathing a path through a jungle of belief systems—within the Church.
Well into my radical conversion at the age of 21, I maintained a broad appetite for reading. Having ingested 100s of volumes of humanistic thought, I went on to study the annals of the works of the pioneers of psychology and psychiatry. I had developed a particular affinity with the works of Carl Jung and his study of the unconscious or subconscious mind, and that with particular emphasis upon dreams and dream interpretation. I had enjoyed much study and discourse with members of the Jungian Institute. I had also developed quite an appetite for several British authors and Southern American authors of prose, poetry, essays and novels. This reading appetite in conjunction with having been exposed to every conceivable expression of the New Age paradigm while growing up in Los Angeles County, made for quite an adventure as the Word of God begin to re-write the map of my mind—and the map of my heart.
Those who have spent any length of time in southern California, and that more pointedly within Los Angeles County, know that the clash between lightness and darkness far transcends the very best of Hollywood’s depictions of warfare. In such an environment, the Believer in Christ must by necessity cling to an authentic faith—one that they can clutch tightly, and even feel within the grasp of their hands.
As I began to assimilate into the Church, I quickly sought to wrap my hands around a substantive handle of faith. With the many streams of the Body present in southern California, I realized that I was fortunate to have access to some of the most authoritative and anointed voices on the planet. As I began to grow in my understanding of what lay ahead of me in my new journey, there was very little that I did not appreciate within the various streams in southern California.
It was roughly nine months into my walk, that I was introduced to a stream within the Body that raised red flags of caution in my spirit. I did not realize what this internal mechanism was within me, until I later understood it to be the Gift of Discernment. Internally, and without voicing my judgment of such to anyone, I labeled this stream, “The Faith Camp.”
The Faith Camp, as I so labeled them, was a sector of the Body of Christ that was largely representative of a geographic pocket in the United States, beyond southern California. The more recognizable figures within this camp where, at the time, characterized by the usage the word “faith” within nearly every other sentence of their teachings.
As time marched forward, it troubled me that I had an internal unrest about this “faith camp.” As my personal theology began to evolve, I realized that it was not their emphasis on faith that troubled me. Rather, it was their application, within their emphasis on faith, which troubled me. Their general application was that of “believing” for ostentatious measures of material wealth. Much of their collective teachings were founded upon the principles of “sowing and reaping.” One of many excerpts of scripture often alluded to was that of II Corinthians 9:6, which reads, “He who sows sparingly will reap sparingly; and he who sows bountifully will reap bountifully.” Typically, it was not long following the mention of this verse that an invitation was extended, to “sow” into their respective ministries. It was as I pondered this stream for some time that it ultimately dawned on me that the “red flag” I had felt was that of the absence of a vital ingredient in this equation. The vital and missing ingredient was that of the fact that we can only reap as the result of sowing, if we sow in obedience to what God has told us to sow into, and if we trust in Him in doing so, versus that of trusting a principle. For we cannot blindly sow into a given ministry, and rely on a formulaic theology that will yield a guaranteed return financially. To go one painful step further, is to understand that blindly sowing into a ministry that one has not been directed by the Lord to sow into, can actually have negative repercussions to ones’ financial health—if in fact such a ministry has willfully stepped out from under the favor and grace of God as the result of deceptive practices, among other practices. This is an entirely different conversation, and one that I will not address at this time.
As the Lord gave me revelation of these dynamics, I committed a grave error. I figuratively “threw the baby out with the bathwater,” by quickly removing myself from earshot of anyone who so much as used the word “faith” in a conversation. What I did not realize at the time was that these dear Saints within the Faith Camp did in fact have a solid handle on the concept of “walking by faith.” Some of them simply went awry in their application during this era. Many of these central figures have since gone on to mature and evolve into walking a faith-paradigm that is nothing less than authentic, powerful and contagious. Had I then granted these Saints the grace that God did, by allowing them over time to get back on course, I would have received a much-needed impartation of faith—25 years ago.
Not long into my walk in the early ‘80’s, I launched-out and into a season of evangelism ministry on the streets of Hollywood. After a few years of unspeakable failure, I realized that mass-evangelism was not my calling. This reality was later, humorously confirmed by an internationally known prophet as he prayed over me, and saw vivid motion pictures in the Spirit, revealing my goofy evangelism escapades on the streets of Hollywood. He had a good laugh over this one, as did I.
I then transitioned into several years of shepherding and counseling ministry. Following a long season of shepherding, I transitioned into several years of teaching, shepherding and counseling ministry. Following several years of teaching, shepherding and counseling ministry, I transitioned into several years of ministry in the prophetic.
In and through all that I have done in serving the Body over a 25-year period at this point, I can look back on many events wherein I felt the fiery presence of God and His anointing in and through what I was doing. However there was one mysterious ingredient quietly absent in all of this. That quietly absent ingredient was faith—faith to believe for the impossible.
It was easy to believe for the miraculous when the Holy Spirit was next to me, in His fiery presence. However, between public ministry sessions, and when the daily grind wore on me, I found myself faithless. It is this condition that is the tale-tell sign of one who needs to grow in faith. For those walking in faith that pleases God, will believe for the miraculous whether they feel God’s immediate presence or not. Faith that pleases God is a 24-hour lifestyle. It is so real that the natural world in front of our faces becomes but a passing fancy. It becomes one temporal hiccup in time.
When the circumstances of our lives slowly weave a web that entangles us in a mental fog of unbelief, doubt and despair, all that we must do to burn away this web is that of carving out a quiet segment in time, alone, without distractions, and meditate on Hebrews chapter eleven. This one chapter chronicles the true Heroes of Faith. Though my purpose within this letter is not to offer expositional commentary on this chapter, I will yet offer Hebrews 11:5 as a transitional and pivotal verse upon which I will share something of a personal nature.
Hebrews 11:5 reads, “By faith Enoch was taken away so that he did not see death, and was not found, because God had taken him; for before he was taken he had this testimony, that he pleased God. But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.”
Though I do believe that we might miss the point if we walk by faith for the express purpose of being sucked up into Heaven via a fiery Holy Spirit vacuum, and that preferably before the end of Tax Season; I yet believe that walking by faith, and thus pleasing God in this regard, will introduce us to experiences that will defy the rational mind. These experiences may include visits to the Third Heaven and that of being translated in spirit—experiences of which I can attest to being at God’s disposal to apportion—in this very hour.
As you ponder the concept of faith within the context of Hebrews 11:5, allow me to share the following chapter of my life.
On New Year’s Eve of 1981, I found myself in attendance at an enormous worship service in southern California. The auditorium was massive. I had arrived at the event rather late, and there were very few seats left. Out of what appeared to be shear “luck” an usher found a single vacant seat next to two empty, roped-off VIP seats that had “Reserved” signs on them. As I sat in my chair and began to enter into worship, I was feeling a sense of subtle conviction about something I had said to someone in answer to a question presented to me the day before. I had been with a friend, and we were watching an internationally known husband and wife who hosted an equally internationally known Christian program on television. I was asked what I thought of this couple. My initial reply was that I thought their attire was bombastic, flamboyant, and truly an affront to any semblance of humility. As I tried to enter into worship during this massive service, my words were grinding repeatedly in my soul. As I stood with my eyes closed, trying to enter into worship, someone brushed my sleeve next to me. I paid no attention to the activity next to me in the “Reserved” seating, as I so wanted to lose myself in worship. During the worship service, I continued to press-in, and eventually I felt the awesome presence of the Holy Spirit begin to overshadow my conviction and turmoil. I then lost myself for a time in worship. At one point, I opened my eyes, and my peripheral vision caught something a few inches away from me that sent me into shock and panic. The very couple that I had openly criticized the day prior, were sitting right next to me! In silence I yelled, “Oh-my-God!” Within seconds, I thought I was going to begin hyperventilating. I remember thinking to myself, “Lord, you have one warped sense of humor!” I am almost certain that I heard in my spirit at this moment: “Warped? Just give me a little time, I’ll show you warped!”
As worship began to subside and make way for a ministry time, I sat down and dared not turn my head to the figure next to me. Everyone within reach was extending an arm to shake hands with this couple and thank them for their wonderful ministry to the nations. I just sat there like a corpse, transfixed upon an imaginary escape route. Just as I was praying that I would be translated back to my bedroom, I felt a soft, warm hand rest gently upon my forearm, followed by the sweetest voice I had heard to date. The voice went on to say, “Hi, my name is____, how are you?” When I turned to look into the eyes of this woman, I saw Jesus looking back at me. Time stood still for a moment. In an instant, and in only the way that He can, He downloaded a message in a literal nanosecond. He said, “David, I’m opening your eyes to see the very heart of this woman. You now see her as I see her. Can you now understand why her external appearance and seeming ‘flamboyance’ is of little concern to Me? She and her husband walk by faith, and this pleases Me.”
The woman and her husband then went on to inquire of my personal status, and engage me in conversation, and that with a genuine interest in me. It was as if the meeting that was unfolding was of little consequence to them. I has humbled beyond words. All that I could utter was, “yes” and “no.” When the conversation finally subsided, the woman smiled broadly and patted me on the arm several times. As she did so, I was looking into the eyes of Jesus once again.
The Lord had given me the most loving rebuke. Though it certainly was a rebuke, He was yet showering me with so much love that I nearly burst into tears. So began my quest to see into the very hearts of people from that day forward. I began to pray in accordance with John 5:19, “I only do what I see the Father doing. That which the Father does, I do likewise.” I prayed that the Lord would enable me to see what He is doing in the hearts of people—beyond their external trappings. As I continued to pray this prayer, and as the years unfolded, He enabled me to see into the very hearts of 1000s of people within the context of prophetic ministry.
As I sat there motionless in my seat at this New Year’s Eve service, the presence of the Lord filled the massive auditorium. He had “inhabited the praises of His people” (Ps. 22:3). Just as the worship team made their way to their seats, an internationally known pastor and author began a New Year’s Eve message. This decidedly conservative-evangelical figure began a very eloquent introduction to his message. At several points in the development of his message, he paused in an awkward sort of way. He would stop himself in the middle of a sentence, and would stare out and into the sea of people, as if he were seeking to find the end of a sentence that he had just lost. Repeating this process several times, he ultimately closed his Bible very slowly, in a quiet and graceful manor, and said: “Ladies and gentlemen, I must apologize to you; not for having lost my way in my message, but for what I am about to tell you. I have never before done what I am about to do. Though I feel very awkward in doing so, I am going to speak-out a word of knowledge that I believe the Lord has given me for someone here tonight. I have prayed for events of this magnitude all of my life, and I believe the Lord has finally answered my prayer.”
What I would describe as a holy-hush then settled on this massive auditorium. The speaker went on to say: “I believe the Lord has shown me a man who is present in this auditorium tonight, who is going to receive a creative miracle of healing in his body.” As the speaker uttered these words, I heard the Lord speak to me: “This man, David, is moving in faith.” As the speaker uttered these words I could almost see with the naked eye, and certainly with the spiritual eye, an enormous sheet of God’s presence slowly blanket the entire auditorium. The blanket drifted as slowly and gracefully as a single feather from a dove. With this blanket of the Lord’s presence, many people around me began to weep quietly with joy, to include me. The speaker went on to say, “The man I’m talking to has had a glass eye for most of his life. He lost one eye as a child.” A deafening silence ensued. After what seemed like an eternity, the speaker began to speak directly to the man, as if he were looking at him. He said, “You’re 72 years of age. All of your life you have walked by faith. Despite your affliction, you have trusted God through every trial. You have humbly accepted your injury, and have thanked God for the one eye that you have remaining. Tonight God is going to honor your life of faith, and He is going to heal you in front of all of these people.”
Two full minutes passed as the speaker gazed intently about the circular mass of people that surrounded the platform. Following what seemed like an eternity, he slowly lowered his head toward his pulpit, in a posture of sad resignation. Though he did not voice his thoughts at that moment, I am certain that he felt he had made a terrible mistake. Another 30 seconds or so passed, and the sound of applause began to erupt from a distant corner of the building. As I looked toward the direction of the applause, I saw an usher walking very slowly while supporting a frail elderly man who was walking with a cane. As the man made his way toward the platform, the applause continued to intensify until the entire auditorium had erupted into a roar of applause. People were now standing to their feet and openly weeping in expectation. I watched as the man made his way upon the steps and onto the platform. Superimposed upon his 72 years, I saw the smile of a boy. What I was seeing was amazing. The Lord enabled me to see the face of the 10 year old, implanted within the 72-year-old face. I saw the smile of a boy that knew His Lord, who had trusted his Lord, and had believed that one day he would regain his lost eye. I then heard the Lord’s voice again: “This, David, is what it means to walk by faith. I have waited 62 years to bless this man in this way. I’m not only doing it for him; I am doing it for you; that you might believe.”
As the 72-year-old man approached the speaker on the center of the platform, things began to move in slow motion for me. The presence of the Lord was so thick that I felt I was in another world. Slowly the speaker raised his hand and placed it over the man’s glass eye. As he did so, the speaker began to shake. At once, the speaker fell to his knees, with head bowed down, clutching his hands together. The 72-year-old man slowly lifted his hands upward, and I saw his cane fall to the floor. I watched as the man lifted his eyes straight toward the ceiling, as if seeing a vision of heaven. The 72-year-old man then let out a loud cry: “Thank you Lord! Thank you Lord! Thank you Lorrrrrd!” The speaker then made his way to his feet. He was weeping uncontrollably. He then raised one hand high in the air, palm upward. In his palm sat a glistening glass eye. The lights in the building beamed toward the eye so that it could be clearly seen by everyone. The Lord had formed a new eye so quickly that the new eye had pushed the glass eye into the speaker’s hand. When this was realized, everyone’s hands in the auditorium shot skyward, and we were enthralled in the presence of God for what seemed like 90 minutes or more, worshipping with total abandon. We let out a collective shout that made my entire body shudder. It was a measure and intensity of worship that I had to date never imagined. The Lord continued to fill the auditorium with so much of His presence that the air temperature climbed at least 20 degrees. At one point, His presence was so hot that I felt as if my lungs were burning.
The speaker ultimately fell again to his knees as he wept with joy. The 72 year old man danced about the platform like a 10 year old boy—the very 10 year old boy who had lost his eye 62 years prior, and who had trusted God for a new one—for 62 years.
I drove home that evening, shortly after the clock struck midnight (January 1st, 1982). I remained in a mental fog all the way home. I recall trying to interact with my older sister, who I was living with at the time. I am certain she thought I was on drugs. Rather, I was simply in a state of heavenly shock.
As the years progressed, I found myself in the middle of many ministry opportunities that were life changing, ongoing. I found that as I would prepare myself through a time of fasting and prayer, and would humble myself as I would minister, the Holy Spirit would most often honor my posture and endorse what I was doing, for the purposes of changing lives and baring fruit. I will never forget some of these encounters through the ‘80’s. Though every bit wonderful, I believe they could have been even better, had I stepped-out in radical faith. Though I had never forgotten the words the Lord had given me on December 31st 1981, I yet failed to fully seek to walk by faith.
Ten years later, and toward the onset of the winter of 1991, I found myself serving an internship within an explosive church in the Midwest. The church was that representative of a movement that was equally explosive. Signs, wonders and miracles were not uncommon in our midst. During this winter season the founder of the movement scheduled a large conference in the area. The meetings, which spanned three or four days, occupied several large meeting rooms within a conference center. On one evening the founder of the movement, a very kind and loving grandfatherly figure, was in the midst of a tremendous message, when, in the middle of a sentence he went silent, and bowed his head downward. In a flash, I was brought back to my memory of December 31st 1981, some 10-years prior. As I began to process this flashback, I knew intuitively that something of the miraculous was about to happen—again. Moments later the speaker raised his head, and with an enormous smile, said, “I think God wants to grow legs tonight.” It was a rather funny few seconds that followed his statement, as nearly everyone seated turned to at least one person on either side of them, speechless, and with a wide-eyed expression that said, “Did he just say what I thought he just said?”
As if it were “just the other day,” yet in fact 10 years had passed, I heard the familiar voice speak into my spirit again: “This, David, is what it means to walk by faith.”
Within seconds, I could feel an electrifying presence of faith in the room. Our collective faith then welcomed the Holy Spirit to do what He does best. At the time, I was standing in the back of the room with five other interns. We had enjoyed some sporadic interaction with the speaker during the conference. He knew who we were. After eyeballing us for a few moments and making us feel a little nervous, with a wide grin on his face he said, “You guys, come up here. I’m going to pray over you, and when people come forward, you’re going to lay hands on them and watch them get healed—up close. Don’t worry, I’ll be standing right behind you through the whole process.” We must have looked pretty frightened and awkward, as the entire room burst out in laughter as we turned to face them. They were having a good time, at our expense. We had a good laugh at ourselves too. The Joy of the Lord was present, and had we not launched into a time of healing very quickly, we would have likely fallen on the floor and laughed until we cried [that happened much later in the evening].
In very similar fashion to the miracle that occurred on December 31st 1981, the temperature in the room of this conference center rose at least 20 degrees. I could see the faces in the crowd become flushed with heat. I could see them perspiring. I could also see elderly people with wide-eyed, childlike expressions of excitement on their faces as they fixed their gaze toward the front of the room. In the faces of the elderly onlookers especially, I saw a most precious spirit of earnest desire to witness the miraculous. I somehow knew that this expression was born of those who had deep within, believed all of their lives that God was capable of such things, and who had also believed that they would live to see such things before transitioning into eternal life.
In moments, the grandfatherly figure said: “I want anyone with foot, ankle, knee, leg or hip deformities to come forward.” Even before these people made their way forward I heard screams in the crowd as some had immediately been healed and had begun to jump up and down with joy. As I tried to maintain my focus upon those making their way forward, I realized that I was being approached by a woman in a wheelchair who had a severe leg condition. When she arrived at the front of the room I realized that her right leg, which was fully extended forward and resting on a leg brace which was attached to the front of the wheelchair, must have been at least five if not six inches shorter than her left leg. To demonstrate the difference she pulled a handle on the left side of the wheel chair, which extended a brace that in turn enabled her left leg to fully extend. I could see then that her right leg was a good six inches shorter than the other leg. She began to explain how her condition came about, and over the noise in the room I could only make out a portion of what she was saying: “My hip…replacement….accident…removed…can’t bend…riser shoe…I can’t…I just….”
Instinctively, I knew that if I had allowed this woman to continue with her medical narrative she would talk herself right out of an opportunity to be healed. And so, I raised my hand in a gesture, which implied, “O.K., I get the picture.” Just then the grandfatherly figure, looking down at a dozen or so people at the altar, said, “You guys lay your hands on these, and believe!” Each of us laid hands on the people, and a short silence ensued. Following several seconds, the grandfatherly figure shouted, “Do it Lord!”
The moment this man shouted this command, an uproar overwhelmed the room. Many people were letting out screeches as they met with healing miracles. As I then looked into the eyes of the woman I was praying for, I saw that her gaze was fixed upon her right leg. Her eyes began to grow, the corners of her mouth turned downward, and she began to cry. For a fraction of a second, I thought she was crying in disappointment. As I turned my eyes toward her right foot, all of the activity in the room began to play in slow motion for me. At this moment, the strangest thing happened within my inner ears. All of the noise in the room was tuned-out with the exception of the sounds of this woman’s leg—moving. She had removed an orthopedic shoe that had a massive compensation sole of at least five inches in thickness. I watched as her toes broke through a hole in her nylons. I could actually hear the stretching and tearing as her leg lengthened and pushed her foot through the hole in her nylons. I could hear her polyester pants making a snap and crackle sound as her leg slid through them. I literally watched as her leg grew the full length of the left leg. Unexpectedly, she pulled me to her and I nearly fell over her as she clutched me and cried with joy. The grandfatherly figure just sat on a stool studying the events, smiling, nodding his head and laughing. People were jumping, shouting, running around in the back of the room, and lying on the floor crying. Some people had their hands lifted up in worship, and with eyes closed were lost in the Lord and completely oblivious to the activity around them. The Holy Spirit had filled the room, and our collective human physiology was doing what it always does when the Holy Spirit fills a given room—experiencing system overload.
I lost my sense of time on this evening. I only recall following this point, the grandfatherly figure saying later in the evening, “I think the Lord wants to impart His joy now.” As absurd as my response may sound, I found myself saying, “O.K., I can buy the miracles I just saw, but I know this laughter-thing has to be manufactured.” Think about how ridiculous this thought is for a moment. I had just witnessed multiple mind-boggling miracles, and my mind (more pointedly, my left-brain) was telling me that an impartation of the Joy of The Lord was nothing more than psychologically induced suggestion. Just as this thought began to rob me of receiving a dose of joy, I completely doubled-over, as the air in my lungs was thrust out of me. As I then inhaled, I burst-out and into the wildest laughter I had experienced in my life. I began to laugh so hard that I had to double over and hold onto the chair in front of me. I continued to laugh so hard that I fell to the floor. I must have laughed for at least thirty minutes, crying all the while. In that short thirty minutes, my mental and emotional circuitry was completely re-wired, and a recent season of depression was completely flushed from my system.
Many years have passed since these life-changing experiences occurred to me. These are but two of more than a dozen episodes of equal magnitude that I have personally experienced or witnessed. I would expound upon all that I have seen, but it would make for lengthy discourse that would transcend the bounds of my point in writing this letter.
As you ponder the two experiences I have written about, I trust you will conclude with me that the primary reason the miraculous was released in both settings, was that rooted in the unshakable faith of the ministers within the focal point of these meetings. Each of these men had cultivated such intimacy with their Father in heaven, and had leaned so close to His breast, and for so long, that they could hear His very heartbeat—His desire for what He wished to release and accomplish within a given meeting. For when you rest your head on someone’s chest long enough, and settle yourself in quietness, you can hear the rhythm of a heartbeat—perpetuating life with every beat. When one can hear the Lord’s heartbeat this clearly, the only missing element required to see the miraculous break forth in your midst, is that of childlike faith.
At times I experience seasons wherein despite my attempts to pour-over scripture on a daily basis, the Holy Spirit will speak but one verse to me, over and over and over again. In recent months, He has spoken one verse to me, daily. I usually do not hear the verse until I have settled myself in my quiet-time chair, late in the evening. In stillness, and as quietness ensues, this is what I hear: “Unless you…become as a little child, you will by no means see the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 18:2).
This verse, transliterated, speaks of the context of entrance into eternal life. However in a very personal context, the Holy Spirit has been speaking to me, through this verse, that childlike faith is the gateway by which I can see the “kingdom of heaven” made manifest in my midst—through signs, wonders and miracles unspeakable—events that can change the course of a persons life in but a few moments.
In II Kings 6:24—7:20, we read of an account of the Israelites being besieged by the Syrians, in which they are kept within the walls of Samaria, completely cut-off from any source of food supply and commerce. As famine and starvation ensues, Jehoram, the Israelite King at the time, is driven to such despair that he curses Elisha, who is present; blaming Elisha for the demise of the city. Elisha’s response is that to prophesy that this desperate and famished people would, in the context of but one day, go from utter depravity to an overabundance of food and riches. As Elisha prophesies such, a high ranking officer who was close to the king relationally, in fact so close that the king rested his head on this officer’s hand as he had earlier cried out in despair, responds to Elisha’s prophesy by saying: “I can’t see it. How can the Lord make windows in heaven, and accomplish such a thing?” Seemingly and innocently enough, this simple measure of doubt, and more pointedly, unbelief, ultimately cost this man his very life the following day. For Elisha responded by saying: “Oh, you will see it alright, but you will not live to partake of it.”
At the break of dawn the following morning, and as the Syrians were encamped not far from walls of Samaria, while premeditating their final military strike, the Lord fulfilled Elisha’s prophesy, by causing the very Army of The Lord to appear to the Syrians—in full force. As this occurred, the Syrians fled from their tents and ran for their lives. They thought King Jehoram had networked and amassed many armies from distant lands in his defense. As the Syrians fled, they left many riches within their tents. They left their armor, their swords and their spears. Moreover, they left enough food to feed the Israelite city ten times over.
As word made its way to the Israelites, the officer who had doubted Elisha’s prophecy approached the main gate, to venture out and take a look at the Syrian plunder. Just as he was about to exit the main gate within the walls of Samaria, a horde of people rushing out to partake trampled him under foot and crushed him to death.
It was late in the evening several months ago, that I reread this story. I had read it several times in years past. Yet never had it spoken to me as it did on this evening. For on this evening the Lord whispered something very sobering to me. It was so sobering that it felt as if my heart stopped for a moment. This is what I believe He whispered to me on this evening:
“David, in the same way that this officer’s unbelief cost him his life; your unbelief can cost you the very life of the ministry that has been prophesied over you.”
[A long and silent pause…………]
As the weight of this word began to settle upon me, I realized that I had allowed myself over the course of roughly a year, to drift into a state of unbelief that was virtually choking the fulfillment of the ministry that had been prophesied over me, over so many years. For I had resigned from facilitating (pastoring) a young church-plant in my locale as the result of a series of traumatic events which had devastated me. In my devastation, I failed to see why the Lord had allowed such atrocities to happen. Rather than seeking to understand what it was that I was to learn and grow from as the result of these events, I freely allowed the roots of bitterness to slowly, subtly and tightly weave their way around my heart—choking out what little faith had been there to begin with.
It is my belief that the vast majority of personal prophetic words spoken over our lives, are that which can be classified as conditional prophecies. The condition is this: “If you will…”
Were you to conduct a search within the many prophecies uttered within the pages of the Old Testament for example, you will find this conditional prefix attached to many of them. I have come to believe that there are two primary conditions that must be met ongoing, before the Lord will in turn fulfill the depths and breadth of the ministries to which we are called. The first condition is that of cultivating daily intimacy with Him (“Those who seek Me diligently, will find Me,” Prov. 8:17). The second condition is that of walking by faith (“Without faith it is impossible to please God,” Heb. 11:6).
The vast majority of the men and women that have shaken the world with the gospel over the past two hundred years, have, interestingly enough, been those who have kept daily journals of their walk with the Lord. The same men and women have, when met with cold, dark and rainy days, flipped through the pages of their journals and have been reminded of many of the profound words that had been spoken over their lives. These have been “diligent” (Prov. 8:17) to daily meditate upon the things that had been spoken to them. In doing so, they kept the flame of faith (Heb. 11:6) burning ever brightly. In this context, consider Revelation 1:2, which reads: “Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of the prophecy, and heed the things which are written in it; for the time is near.” In this verse, the words “reads,” “hear” and “heed” are present participles. That is to say that this verse denotes ongoing reading, ongoing hearing and ongoing heeding of “…the words of prophecy…” Clearly this verse pertains initially to the Book of Revelation, however I believe it also speaks to the sure word of prophecy over our lives.
Those among us who press-in daily, to hear from the Lord, are given many nuggets upon which to chew. Many of these nuggets come in the form of dreams, which I believe are very often, gifts from heaven. It is when we fail to write these down and meditate upon them, that subsequent dreams are often withheld. Job 33:14-16 reads: “God will speak to men on several occasions, yet men do not perceive it. God then waits until they are sound asleep, deep in the night. He will then seal their instruction.” Do a search on the word “dream” throughout scripture—you will be amazed at the frequency in which pivotal figures in scripture were led-about by dreams from the Lord. What is more interesting than this, is that nowhere in scripture does it say that the Lord has ceased to speak to His children in this way.
What happens to those of us who become lax in meditating upon the words that have been spoken over us, the dreams the Lord has downloaded within us, the visions the Lord has imparted to us, and the sure-word of prophecy that has been spoken over our lives? What happens when we allow the subtle roots of bitterness, as the result of traumatic injustices and subsequent wounds, to grow around our hearts and choke-off this revelation? I believe the prophet Isaiah answers this most pointedly: “They do not pay attention to the deeds of the Lord, nor do they consider the work of His hands. Therefore My people go into exile for their lack of knowledge; and their honorable men are famished, and their multitude is parched with thirst. Therefore Sheol has enlarged its mouth without measure…”
It was one year ago that my wife and I resigned from facilitating [pastoring] a church, which was the fulfillment of several years of dreams and visions. We would never have imaged that we would meet with such ravenous opposition and spiritual warfare carnage, that if these events were chronicled, would make a Stephen King novel read more like an episode of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, by comparison. In a state of shell shock and emotional numbness, we withdrew into a behavior known by sociologists as “cocooning.” And while we cocooned, I lost site of “the deeds of the Lord” and “the work of His hands,” by failing to meditate on why He allowed these things to happen. Instead, I allowed the chords of bitterness, like vines, to wrap their way around my heart. As this occurred, “Sheol enlarged its mouth without measure.”
We all know of the stern warnings within the book of Proverbs and the book of James, with respect to the power of the spoken word. It was David Yonggi Cho, apostolic leader of the world’s largest church in Seoul South Korea, who once stated: “Jesus is bound by our lips.” In essence, what David Yonggi Cho was suggesting is that the words we speak, do in fact release Jesus’ presence in our midst. On the same token, we can open the floodgates of hell in our midst, by speaking-out those things that are rooted in bitterness and hardness of heart.
We are living in an age wherein every thought and deed in our hearts will release either the kindness or the severity of the Lord. We are fast-approaching a time when every thought must be held captive—around the clock, for His refinement of our souls is being accelerated as we fast approach the End of The Age—as we know it. It is with this reality in mind that I have made myself vulnerable to you, by confessing my season of unbelief. For following the traumatic events that my wife and I endured as we led our former church, we entered into a period of shell shock. This was followed by a period of anger, which was followed by a period of deep bitterness. As we then sought to forsake the bitterness, a heavy blanket of sadness was upon our shoulders. It has now been one year since our resignation from the church, and we are finally feeling the release of the deep and abiding sadness.
I have appreciated the emphasis upon the word “destiny” over the past decade. This word has found its way into countless conference titles, books, seminars, messages and prophetic words, and often within the context of the promise of a resurrection of ones’ destiny in life. It has been a timely and relevant word for the Church. One small oversight within the application of this word as a theme however, has been this: there can be no resurrection, without there first being a crucifixion.
In and through the utter carnage that my wife and I faced while planting and pastoring our former church, our ministry-vision was crucified. We were ripped to mental and emotional shreds. This process made no sense to me at the time, as I recall having been crucified upon my conversion in the summer of 1981. Why would I need to die such a horrible death, all over again?
In the early stages of our shell shock following our resignation, I was having lunch with another area pastor, when he posed a simple yet profound thought. As we savored our Mexican food, and as he surely saw the veil of posttraumatic stress disorder over my face, he said this: “I wonder, David. If the Lord did not allow this to happen, to test you, and to see if He would remain your first-love through all of this? I wonder if He wasn’t interested in seeing if you’d still love Him after all of this.”
[A long and silent pause……………]
For many years, the overriding theme of most of my teachings and writings has been that of the extreme importance of the cultivation of personal quiet-times with the Lord—daily. However in the midst of a series of traumatic events within our church, accompanied by sleepless nights and extreme stress and fatigue, I had allowed the devotion to my first-love, to erode. It was replaced by the cares and concerns of my church. It was as I realized this that I was propelled to lay the church on the altar of sacrifice, and watch it go up in figurative flames.
My wife and I have learned a painful yet powerful lesson in and through this saga. We will never again allow anything to dilute the priority of our one-on-one time with the Lord, ever again. For it is in this practice that we find the deepest and the only lasting sustenance, affirmation and vision. There is no activity outside of this activity, which will sustain us, affirm us and impart vision to us, like our alone-time with the Lord.
As the psychological and emotional dust has settled around me following my resignation from the church one year ago, I have been challenged by the Holy Spirit to continue to believe for the fulfillment of the ultimate calling on my life. I have been challenged to accept that recent events were a necessary chapter on my way toward the ultimate fulfillment of the book of my life. In and through renewed quiet-times, I have had many things spoken to me—straight from the Throne Room of grace. One such thing spoken to me is that which I also wish to speak to you as I close this letter.
I wish to remind you that you are“…fearfully and wonderfully made…” (Ps. 139:14). No one on the entire planet has the combination of your physiological construct, your DNA, your temperament (psychological construct), your spiritual gift-mix and your personal testimony. Further, you have experienced facets of God that others have not. In turn, what you have to extend to the Body of Christ abroad, and to a dying world abroad, cannot be offered by anyone else. You are unique in all the earth. Your worth is infinite within the eternal plan of God. You cannot give up. You must not.
I know that I speak to someone who has tasted bitter sufferings as the result of being wounded by the Church. I know that I speak to someone who has become despondent to the vain religiosity and church-antics found within the church walls. I know that I speak to someone who is tired of beating the dead horse of your sense of obligation to submit yourself to the hands of those you do not even trust within the church. I know that I speak to someone who is sitting quietly in the shadows, awaiting the resurrection of the truly glorified Church. Moreover, I know that I speak to someone who has all but concluded that the lofty things prophesied over your life must have been a mistake, for all of the events following these words have been the radical and painful opposite. If this is you, you must know that I have prayed that as you read these words, a very small match will light a very small flame within your heart; a flame just bright enough to illuminate the parchment upon which your calling has been prophesied, over and over again. I have also prayed that faith would begin to circulate in your veins again, and would begin to infiltrate your thought processes again—the faith to believe for the fulfillment of what you know you have been called to do. For I know the slander that has gone before you. I know the erroneous judgment that has been levied against you. I know how you have been misunderstood and misquoted. I know how you have been underestimated and cast-off from those you once loved, trusted and submitted to. I know the grief and sadness that permeates your soul when you rehearse what people have been permitted to get away with within positions of authority and influence. I know that sometimes you wonder if your walk has been one terrible deception, because things have not turned out at all the way you thought they would. I know that you see the likes of true fellowship and love in your local pub, more so than in the local church. I know this sadness, loved one. However, I also know this: When you have come to this point, you have come to a place of being made of “…no reputation…” (Phil. 2:7). Having arrived at this place, you must understand that you are closer to crossing-over and into the fulfillment of your high calling than you have ever been before. For now you are free from the desire to pursue the accolades of men and the religious pomp. Now you only want to serve the Mighty One, and to be affirmed by Him alone. The only thing left, is to simply believe that your foot is about to touch down upon the very soil that has been prophesied over you for so many years.
I want to encourage you to imagine a picture for a moment: Imagine that high in the sky there is a majestic figure of a man sitting on a throne of gold, and radiating light that is more brilliant than anything you have seen. In His eyes, the depths of the oceans can be seen. About His face is wisdom and nobility that transcends the English language, and all languages on the earth. His eyes are fixed upon you. His left elbow is resting upon the armrest of his majestic chair, and in His left hand rests His chin, in a posture of patience and timelessness. His right hand rests upon the other armrest, and the fingers of His right hand are drumming very softly, as if waiting patiently for something. His right foot is tapping a floor of jasper, very softly, as if waiting patiently for something. The last thing you notice is that of his mouth, which has a very slight smile about it. You then hear these words:
“Well, what’s it going to be?”
David Davenport and his wife Gigi are former pastors of Shiloh Chapel [church] of Charleston, SC. David is a graduate of MorningStar School of Ministry, ordained by MorningStar Fellowship of Ministries, and a graduate of Colorado Seminary. You my email David at: MustPressOn@gmail.com